A Love Story

Biyah on the Moon

Oh lover, make me yours,

If possible, paint my world with your love.

Bring forth your hand

And take me somewhere far away from this darkness

That has been living inside me

For years. As if I was born with it.

Listen to this heart

That yearns for her beloved,

To be eternally bound to him.

The wind touches my face

Raining feather-light kisses across my body

A body that has borne entities of love.

I wish to drown in your love

Oh treasured one, show me the essence of love,

Arrange a meeting with the colours

That you have not felt yet.

My heart lies on this fragile land

Of nightfall.

The stars do not shed their light here,

But you, my love, have showered your light

Across my sky

Displaying the beauty that exists within.

For it is in your heart that I live,

You have given this…

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Hazy Perception

Biyah on the Moon

I am confined in darkness. Trapped beneath the scrap of fabric that covers my vision. The rustling of paper catches my attention. Paper? Or maybe a packet. I can’t really figure it out. His footsteps are heavy and the floor creaks under his weight. The sounds become louder and louder and suddenly the blind spots that surround me are filled with light; blinding light. After that, everything happens so fast. Suddenly I’m on the ground with something heavy leering above me. Someone. His weight presses against me. I’m drowning. I fight for every breath, expanding my lungs trying to get as much air in as possible.

I open my eyes. I am in a bed in a room with a white ceiling. I wonder how I got here. I’m shaking uncontrollably and the sound of beeping fills the air. People rush into the room. White coats are all I see…

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Anguish of The Soul

A Love Story

A new online magazine called Darkness and Light is up and running. Check it out by clicking the link below for one the pieces I wrote. I hope you all enjoy.

A Love Story.

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The Sky Is Where Humility Lives

Yes, the ground is full of humility but so is the sky, depending on your perception. Given that when you look up at the sky, you realise how small you are in comparison to it. You realise that the huge expanse of the sky is covering you; it is guarding you against your own self. It is teaching you humility.

When I look to the sky, I realise that I am moving. The clouds are a sign of this divine movement. Even in those moments when I feel frozen, I feel numb, I am still moving. I realise that I am not in control of my movement but in fact, the creator of the universe is. Even when I feel that I am losing my sanity and inner peace, I know that I am moving just as I am moving through life. I carry on moving, through time and space because I am not the controller of my heart, the creator of you and I is.

Before you can learn humility, you need someone or something to teach you. The sky is one of the many teachers that is placed right above us by the greatest teacher of all, God. The sky has been put above us to teach us humility but also to show us that our acts of humility should be consistent in the same way as the sky that is consistent in moving. The sky is consistent in being there above us so that every time we look up, we see it. Consistency is key.

Know that there is a greater ground of humility which is the sky.

She Dangled From The Sky

What a beautiful relationship love formed, she thought as she sat with her legs dangling off the roof of her house. She watched the clouds move across the sky as the stars hid away from her in one moment and then came back into vision in the next moment. Just as the clouds formed as a cloak for the sky, love covered humans in the same way. It filled them; if only for an instant until they were empty again. Sometimes even the clouds leave the sky empty but they always came back again. Similarly, love came back again and again continuing the same cycle. Filling then emptying. Filling then emptying. Filling then emptying. Again and again. The clouds act as a sanctuary of the sky but still residing deep inside them is rain. Just as deep inside love there are drops of precious tears which cleanse the soul. The rain is similar to these tears since the rain comes out of grey clouds and once it is done, it leaves them white. Rain and tears are a means of purification. Both existing side by side, the drops coming one after the other again and again until you are completely blind in love again.

How blind love is, she wondered as she lay on the roof of the house staring into the night sky above her. Humans walk around with their arms outstretched waiting for the one they love to guide them. To take us with them. We wander around like a blind person not knowing where the path we are travelling on will take us yet we carry on because we cannot see ahead of us. We cannot see where love will take us but we hope it will be somewhere we belong. Somewhere in the sanctuary of someone’s arms. Somewhere that we can call home.

How must finding home feel like; she contemplated as she sat on the edge of the roof, the furthest she could get from the house. A foreign place that probably existed somewhere in the confines of the earth. A place not everyone was lucky enough to find. A place that may or may not exist since its existence is not guaranteed. We could search and search for our place on this earth yet still not be able to find it. We could travel into the continents of someone’s arms and still not feel any comfort. We could cross the depths of oceans and seas and still feel no peace. We could move through time and space yet there would be no relief. There would be no place we could call home. No place on this earth, no person on this earth that we could call home.

The point of all this is never clear, she mused as she stood on the roof of her house. The point of existence has people rushing across the earth searching for someone, something, and anything that they can hold on to in order to survive. Gripping onto fleeting things in order to survive, in order to breathe. As if we need a lifeline that could leave us at any given moment so that we are left fighting for every breath. Running around in circles, in a maze of which there is no way out for as long as we are human and as long as we are on this earth. Stuck in this cycle of holding onto anything that makes you feel as if your feelings are only joint to things that you can hold.

The things that you can’t reach are also important, she concluded as she watched the stars above her. The stars rotating above her. Things that she could see were not necessarily in the vision of others since everyone saw the world in a different light. The way she viewed the world through a blurry vision given that her lens was blurred through the tears that formed in her eyes and travelled down her cheeks leaving trails behind them. She wondered about all those things that she had yet to see and yet to experience but for now she was content with the stars, love, and the home that she had built inside him even if it meant that she would suffer in the end. For those few moments of happiness, something would have to be sacrificed. Even if she was dangling from the sky.

The Perfection Of Rain

The rain leaves me breathless, in awe. There is something about the way it pours down as if الله is raining His infinite mercy upon us. I love feeling the rain on my face; it’s like a cleansing therapy. It clears my mind of all disastrous thoughts and fills my soul with peace. It’s true that when the rain comes down, it usually removes all the light that comes from the sky but even the clouds provide some light no matter how dark they are. Similarly, no matter how dark any situation in life is, there will always be light that wants to creep through but you’re not allowing it to because all you want to do is bathe in darkness.

The clouds fail to keep the vapour inside and they have to let off steam which comes down upon us as rain just as sometimes we have to let the words come out, we have to let the emotions come out because otherwise it could prove to be unhealthy for us. Sometimes it’s like you’ve taught yourself to keep everything inside because you’re not sure how the outside world will deal with everything that you hide but then there’s times when you have to learn to let go. These times are in Salah, when you know that your Lord has called upon you so that you can release all the darkness that the Dunya has caused you to Him.

Rain pours down in different speeds, sometimes it’s so much and sometimes its little trickles but it always stops, it is never endless, there is always an end. In parallel to this is life’s problems, some big and some small but you know that there is an end to them all. Each problem may come into your life at different times but there is always a way out of them, even if it takes so much time to reach the end, there is always an end awaiting you. Sometimes it’s so dark and you become trapped in the oceans of the problem but if you just look around you, you will see the end.

After the clouds have filled the sky and poured down all the rain, there comes the clear blue sky that filters through the clouds. Likewise when your eyes are moist from the shedding of tears, maybe those moments are the closest you get to seeing the world clearly, seeing your problems in a different light. Maybe after letting go of all the discrepancies that life presents you with, after crying out to الله, you can finally begin to leave everything in His hands knowing that all that happens in your life is with His will.

Breathing Fire Into The World

Your heart breaks.
You can almost feel the cracking; the little thump seems to slow as
You fall deeper into the abyss that you have created for yourself.

Confusion laced with anxiety.
The cherry on top is tears, the kind that leave a bitter taste in your mouth.
Simply because the icing just wasn’t good enough.

The fire burns.
You lit it, then you danced in it because at least when you’re burning,
You’re feeling something, anything, except this pain.

Any other pain is tolerable but this.
To which extent will this excruciating torture go,
Where will it take you? To depths which you may not come out of.

I am near you.
Without really existing in the moment, a ghost
Just merely filling your heart with my presence.

I am selfish.
Even after burning you, I still keep you locked in me,
Hoping maybe I won’t wither this time.

Am I even worthy of your love.
Or am I just the stone that makes you stumble,
You shouldn’t fall in the depths of me, you’ll get lost.

Maybe this fire can be doused with water.
It could be that another fire will rise from the ashes of the previous one,
Burning even more victims.

Poison rushes through my veins.
It reaches my heart, infiltrates it and destroys it,
Possibly killing me this time.

Filled With Words

There is something about words that leave me gasping,
Like I’m searching for air
But my mouth is instead filled with words,
Words that are never spoken.

Falling through words,
Touching upon them with feather light touches
But never fully acknowledging them,
As if they exist without really existing.

Screeching through meanings,
Wondering why, just why are words so important
What about feelings?
What about expression without words?

Bathing through the impact,
The influence the letters leave us with,
The effect the syllables take on us,
There is nothing significant about them.

Are words necessary?
Is it mandatory to use them?
Or should we search instead for
The truth?

The truth which cannot be expressed
Through the words that we use
But instead through
The consistency of
Our feelings.

My Sanctuary

As I walk along this stretch of deserted land

I lift my head and take in my surroundings.

There is nothing for miles

But somewhere far away

There’s an ocean.

After crossing many oceans

I have yet to swim through many more

Hoping I don’t drown.

Amidst all the assurance

There is still anxiety.

I imagine walking through distant lands

Reaching a place that maybe

I can call home

Like a nomad

Searching for a place in this world.

Lost for many decades

When suddenly I found myself

Through you.

I found the depths of my soul

Which reside in you.

You bring me to the brinks of

Conflict and peace

Anxiety and comfort

Despair and patience

Helplessness and hope

Sadness and happiness

Darkness and light.

I dream of a place with you

By your side

Near you.

Forever and eternity

I want to spend with you.

By your side will be

My sanctuary.